A Guide for Victims of Family Violence
Checklist of Things to Take...
- Identification- driver's license, Social Security card, and Birth Certificates (for self and children)
- Money, ATM card, Checkbook, Credit Cards, etc.
- Medications
- Insurance/ Prescription cards
- Keys
- School and Vaccination records
- Cell Phone or Calling card
- Car registration and title
- Protective Order
- Minimal Clothing
- Photo Album
- Small items that can be sold
- Children's special blanket, doll or stuffed animal
- Address Book
- Lease, rental agreement or house deed
When a fight breaks out...
- Move away from the kitchen, bathroom, or anyplace where there are dangerous objects that could be used as a weapon (knives, scissors, tools, etc.)
- Stay away from areas that do not have an escape (small rooms with only one door, closets, etc.)
- Install a phone in a room that you can lock from the inside.
- Plan the easiest escape route from every room in the house.
- Do not argue or yell back, leave the house and go immediately to a neighbor, friend, or family member you can trust and call the police.
Planning your escape...
- Pack a bag for yourself and children, including clothes, personal items, prescription refills, etc. Leave it with someone you trust so you can leave without having to gather anything.
- Have an extra set of keys made to the house and car. Hide them in a safe place.
- Write down important phone numbers and put in a safe place. Even if you memorize them, you may forget them in a time of crisis.
- Have copies of important documents: Birth Certificates, Social Security cards, insurance information, bank account numbers, vehicle registrations, etc.
- Keep money saved to use when you leave. Even a phone call from a pay phone takes money.
- Tell a neighbor about the abuse, and set up a signal that will alert them that you are in danger. (A raised blind or curtain, a porch light, any outward sign that will let that neighbor know you are in danger)
- Before your escape, get a Post Office Box where you can receive mail. Open a new bank account using that address. This allows you to conduct business without your abuser having access to your new information or your money.
- Contact a domestic violence shelter and try to make arrangements for when you leave.
Planning with Children...
- Help the child identify warning signs. (Arguing, yelling, slamming doors, etc.)
- Help them decide what to do if a situation breaks out. (Where do they go in the house, do they call 911) Having a plan will make it easier for them to react to what is going on, especially if they helped devise the plan and have practiced it.
- Help them to identify safe people and places that they can turn to for help (a trusted neighbor, a family member, law enforcement, etc.).
- If you have two or more children, help them plan how to protect each other.
- Most importantly, teach them to stay out of the way, to never try to stop the violence themselves.
Making the decision to leave an abusive relationship will be one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make. No one can make this decision but you, and chances are your family and friends will either not understand why you waited so long or why you left at all. You will go through a wide range of emotions. One day you may feel the freedom of independence and the next you may feel the fear of being alone.
You can also expect new types of stress. You will be making all the decisions concerning where to go, what to do, how to spend your money, and everything relating to your children and your future. This may also be the first time you have been able to make these types of decisions, which means more stress. Now add the difficulty of finding a job, a place to live and childcare.
However, the important thing to remember is that you are entitled to a life without the fear of being abused. You and your children deserve to be happy and independent of anyone that would cause you to feel anything other than self-respect.
Even if you are not ready to leave, there are things you can do to ensure your safety. This is called safety planning and is recommended by law enforcement and victim advocates everywhere. The more prepared you are to handle a situation, the better the outcome will be.
About Protective Orders
You may request a protective order if you have reason to fear an assault by a family member or household member. The order may prohibit the abuser from entering your home, or abusing you in the future.
An Emergency Protective Order (EPO) can be obtained through a law enforcement officer responding to the scene who can request the order from a judge or magistrate. You may also go to a magistrate to request an emergency protective order on your own. This order lasts for 72 hours.
A Preliminary Protective Order (PPO) is the same is the same as an emergency protective order, but it lasts up to fifteen days and must be obtained through the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court.
A Permanent Protective Order (PO) may prohibit the abuser from contacting you, entering your home, or further attempts to cause you harm. The order last up to two years and must be obtained through the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court.
A protective order is a civil case, not a criminal case. This means the batterer will not receive any jail time as a result of the order. However, if the order is violated, the abuser can be charged with violation of a order, which will result in jail time. If you have any questions or comments regarding protective orders or anything regarding victims and the legal process, call the Court Advocate at Southside Center for Violence Prevention.
